Welcome to my book blog

2019/08/27

My story that I wanted to share with everyone



"Warning talking about suicide,

 depression, PTSD, and anxiety"

This was not an easy thing for me to talk about. it has taken a lot for me to even remember everything from high school that I had to deal with. 
The stuff that happen with my daughters is still fresh in my memory like it happen just yesterday.


My bought with suicidal thoughts and my depression

By: Rachel Renzo


During my sophomore year of high school, I was having a lot of issues that I had no clue how to deal with. I had friends not many that I trusted just. Some were nice, and others liked to talk about me behind my back. Some would say I was sleeping with guys that I had never met before and some I was close friends with. They figured it was more fun to spread rumors then speak the truth. Know that I look at it that was a type of bullying that kids deal with today. This was the 1980’s so we didn’t have the so called No Bullying rules in school you just dealt with it the way everyone did. You either fought with them or your let it go. I let it go for a long as could. My mood stating going down, but I really had no idea why. I had all kinds of rock posts on my walls and when I decided it was time to end everything, I started pulling my posters down and kept them in boxes so that they wouldn’t get lost. I didn’t tell anyone what I was planning as I didn’t want someone to decide to stop me. A few friends come over to the house on Halloween so we could plan what we were going to do that night. Little did anyone know but that way the day I was going to end everything. We were all in my bedroom talking to get everything set up for that night. The normal for Halloween was to pass out candy for an hour then head out to the roller-skating rink to hang out with everyone. I got up from seating on my bed and walked into my bathroom and locked the door. When into my medicine cabinet pulled out the full bottle of 800 MG of Motrin and dumped all 30 of them into my hand. With the Motrin in one hand and a cup of water in the other I was ready to get it over with. Right as I was getting ready to swallow down the pills with the water my friend someone got into the bathroom and slapped the pills out of my hand. One of my other friends was counting the pill on the floor to make sure that all 30 were there and I didn’t get any down. We left my bathroom and went into my room and talked to find out what the heck was going on. I didn’t want to talk but no one would let me leave until I told them everything that was bothering me. They didn’t want to worry my mother or father so nothing was said to them as we talked for 10 hours about how I felt like I was a not doing anything good for myself or able to help anyone with their problems anymore. Everyone said why do you feel as if you need to fix everyone’s problems I said I have always been able to help everyone. Then I finally said that one of the things that was really bothering me was that I had a falling out with one of my close friends because I had missed going to the mall with them and didn’t get into trouble with them. I said I should have been there was well so we would still have stuff to talk about. Needless to say my friends dad was thrilled that I had missed the bus that day to go to the mall because I didn’t get into trouble like his daughter did. I finally felt good about missing that bus. I have seen a doctor about my mild case of depressing during that time.



Move forward to 2007 when I was married with 2 girls and my marriage ended and my world fell apart. Suicide was on my mind again as I blamed myself for what happen to my daughters by the hands of the man I had been married to since 1991. He never told me the truth about why he was taken from his father or anything that had every happen to him and his bother growing up. To have him do the same thing to my daughters that happen to him made me sick to my stomach. I wanted to kill him but instead I allowed law enforcement to take over and lock him up for 8 years. During this time I had thoughts of suicide again as I didn’t think I was a good enough mother by allow such a think to happen in the first place. Everyone said I was the only mother they knew of who didn’t question the words of her daughter when she was told and acted faster then they could have or would have done. I was in therapy this time and I told my therapist that I didn’t think I had a right to live and that the kids would be better off when their grandparents. I had been on the phone with one of my friends and told him that I was going to end everything because I was useless as a mother. That didn’t go over very well with him. He had one of our other friends come see me to get me to stop me from thinking about suicide. After talking with my friends we decided that it was best for me to get back into therapy as it helped me when I found out about the abuse of my daughters.

I was put on an anti-depressant medication to help with my mood and anxiety. I learned this time while in therapy that I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) a lot of people who have been in the Military that come back from war suffer from PTSD and that was all I had known about it. My therapist said that there are different types of PTSD and any stressful situations can bring it about. There are a lot of great medications that can help with depression, anxiety or PTSD. There is also none medication therapy that help as well. I don't know much about those things but this us just how I was able to get a grip on my suicidal thoughts and I suggest to anyone that asks me what I did to help me. Therapy, friends, family, church or other community services that offer help do it.



Don’t hide behind the shame that you're giving up if you go see someone for help. Suicide is NOT the answer to help deal with the issues you're facing. Call the National Suicide Prevention number and ask for help.


Another great lesson I learned from one of my therapist was to write down in a notebook what ever is on your mind. Keep it in a place for you to write in all the time. Every second visit with my therapist I would bring in my notebook for her to read and we would talk about stuff that wrote about. I kept the notebooks for 3 years then I decided it was time to throw them out. I didn't just put them in the trash I took each notebook apart and shredded them so I couldn't take it out of the trash and read it to get all depressed again. One thing I did do with one of the notebooks was finally addressed my issues with my ex-husband and that notebook I gave to my therapist because I had no way to send it to him for him to read.

Please don't ever listen to those who tell you to just get over it. It can’t be done we need help and I’m still on medication today just something that isn’t as strong as when I first started. I still have days when I don’t want to take my medication but I know deep down that if I don’t use it I will most likely fall back into the thoughts of suicide and I can’t and won’t do that again. Too many end their lives because they don’t know who to turn to our whom they can trust with this subject. If this post will help just one person realize that you are not alone in this and reach out to someone I will be happy that I decided to share this with the world.

I started working on this when Eva Pohler told me that she was going to be doing a World Suicide Prevention event with Authors, Bloggers, YouTubers, and anyone else who would like to share their story to help someone. If I remember correctly it was back in April that she had first said something about it. I signed up right away to help out. Then I set at my tablet with word open to get started on my story. I had the title for about a month before I could even get any words down. I didn’t know where or how I was going to start this. I would dream about everything that had happen but couldn’t type it out. I kept thinking to myself that I made a huge mistake saying I was going to help. So I saved it and left it alone for a while. One night I couldn’t sleep for anything this was just in my head and I needed to get it out. I got up got some coffee and went to work typing. I think I finally stopped at 5 am in the morning. I slept for 45 minutes because I had to get my daughter up for school. I logged out of my word after making sure that I had saved and had auto-save turned on as well. Password protected the document and turned off my tablet. My alarm when off and for some reason those 45 minutes of sleep seemed like I had slept for 2 years. Stayed away from this again for a while then three nights ago I could sleep again and that was when I decided it was time to get the rest out. From April until August 16, 2019 I have been working on this. I could have made this about 10 pages long but I decided no one would want to read that much so I highlighted everything that was of importance to me. I am going to add some of the links to website that I still use to this day for help.



Here are some of the thing I used to get my help.



National Suicide Prevention Lifeline


1-800-273-8255

Suicide Prevention Life Line

Washington State Suicide Hotline Website

Places I went for Therapy
Hopes Sparks

Greater Lakes Mental Health


The website RAINN is what I used to help me get

information to help my daughters with their abuse.


RAINN

The books were found on Amazon I am sure you can find them other places.


Two of the books that helped me. I wish I could remember the rest of them.
The Anxiety and Worry Workbook: The Cognitive Behavioral Solution


The Complex PTSD Workbook:

A Mind-Body Approach to Regaining Emotional Control and Becoming Whole

2019/08/20

The Weaver by Heather Kindt

Publisher: The Parliament House Book 
Title: The Weaver
Author: Heather Kindt

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 The Weaver... They walk among us. Some blend into the masses, another man or woman passing by. Yet, others are more secretive in their ways; hiding in the shadows, the forests, and in the dark folds of the night. They are always searching, always watching, and continuously vigilant, because nothing is more vital to their survival. Their stories, every fabric of their being, are tied into the intricate tapestry. Fear, love, hatred, and passion are the threads and the vivid emotions that bring forth the color and life to the cloth. And in the center, at the very heart of the woven art, is the Weaver. The Weaver uses her skill to bring the cloth to life. It is an inherited talent that few possess. Her ability bridges the narrow gap between imagination and reality—the gap that many people and creatures have wanted to cross on both sides of the paper. How many authors have been asked if they love or fear characters from their books? What if they came to life? Only a Weaver knows the answer to this question.

2019/08/13

Double Crossing the Bridge by SARAH J. SOVER


  • Publisher: The Parliament House

  • Book Title: Double Crossing the Bridge


  • Author: Sarah J. Sover

  • Required hashtags: #sarahjsover #doublecrossingthebridge #dctb #fantasyreads #theparliamenthousepress  #TPHTours
 
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  • Book Synopsis:

Rent in New Metta is through the cavern ceiling. When Granu barely survives her first gig teaching students who attempt to fillet her for lunch, the baby-eating troll ends up unemployed and facing eviction. Granu's only prospect for income is grueling work in the tar pits. That is, until her playboy best friend devises a perfect, if suicidal, scheme—a heist!

The Covered Bridge, the largest source of income for the city, has New Metta well under hoof. In a week, TCB Corporation pulls in enough cash to buy a small country. It's the ideal target, but security is top-notch. Granu needs three things to survive this heist: a crew of specialists, impenetrable sun protection, and gallons of grog.

There’s just one thing Granu doesn’t plan for—those damn meddling billy goats.  

2019/08/09

UNHOLY AN MAGICK by KALI ROSE SCHMIDT

 
Publisher: The Parliament House 
Book Title: An Unholy Magick (Vile Sacraments #1) 
 Author: Kali Rose Schmidt  

  
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Book Synopsis 

 She’s an assassin with a gift her parents died for. He’s a reluctant prince content to drink himself into oblivion. And hiding in plain sight amongst them both, a monster is searching for redemption. In a kingdom where magick is forbidden and spoken of only in whispers, they must each face their own demons, walking the line between loyalty and betrayal. Enter a dark new world full of forbidden love, painful loss, and a growing war between those with power and those who crave it. An Unholy Magick is a bloody and spell-binding fantasy debut, the first from Kali Rose Schmidt’s shadowy series, Vile Sacraments. 

  

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2019/08/06

Facing the Torment by Alice J. Black

 

Publisher: The Parliament House 
Book Title: The Soul Seekers: Facing the Torment 
Purchase Link: AMAZON 
Author: Alice J. Black 


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Book synopsis: 

 It all boils down to this: Peyton has been hounded by Vic Reeves to return to the funeral parlour that used to be her home, years ago. It houses so many memories, nightmares, and spirits… but as Peyton comes to the understanding that she needs to face her fears—and her past—she is thrust into a darkness so impenetrable she fears she might never escape…

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2019/08/02

INSIDE by D.M. Siciliano

 
Publisher: The Parliament House
Book Title: Inside
Author: D.M. Siciliano


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#dmsiciliano #inside #horrorreads 
#scarybook
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Book Synopsis:
1987 “Does it burn in the dark?”

Reid is a bully, but he’s still Alex’s best friend. When Reid pushes Alex and their friends into invading a historically haunted Massachusetts house, Alex knows it’s a terrible idea, but indulges his friend. What could go wrong? 

 Inside, a mysterious Shadow looms in the darkness. The door to the house vanishes, leaving them trapped. The group flees through the tiny, one-roomed house that defies logic, constantly shifting, presenting them with new doors, hallways, and rooms that seem to be plucked from their memories and fears. 

One by one, the Shadow hunts them, intent on burning them all from within. Is there any way to escape? Or will they be burned from the inside out?


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2019/08/01

HULK by MLJ QUIGG



“As soon as I saw you, it was like a light shining down from the heavens. As I got to know you, I realized that light went soul deep, and I fell for you so hard.”


Hulk


After an accident and my girlfriend leaving, I didn’t think I’d find anyone to share my life with. Sure, I had my brother and the club, and I never thought I wanted anything more. That was until Claire walked into my life. She had a harrowing story behind her, and it forced my protective instincts forward, and they raged at full force. I simply had to get past the walls she’d built so tightly around her.


Claire


Some say amnesia is a new start, which is true. But what happens when you wake up one day and everything’s a blank. Let me tell you, it’s not fun but more like downright scary. 


That was my life now. Sure, I’d made a family and new memories with Monique and the triplets, but when Monique reunited with Derrick, he came with a whole new family. Hulk was the Sergeant at Arms for the club and the man who would steal my heart. Unbeknownst to me, the man who had hurt me previously was closing in, and he wanted to finish what he’d started. 


Will Hulk be able to save Claire from a madman, or will he be too late to have his angel with him forever? 




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US - AU - UK - CA 






Thor (Thorny Devils MC) Book 1


After being separated for fifteen years, can they let the past be in the past, or is there too much hurt to forgive and forget.




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Australian author MLJ Quigg – lives in NSW, Australia, with her husband, three adult children, and six cats—yes, you heard that right, six. 


Growing up in a huge family of eight kids was always noisy and didn’t give her enough alone time to unwind.


Books have always given her an outlet from the craziness that is her life. Nothing is better than curling up with a good story to take her mind off her surroundings. 
As a new author, she hopes you enjoy her stories and helps you get out of your world and into hers for a few hours.


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2019/07/31

Dream Keeper by Amber R. Duell

 
 
   

Publisher: The Parliament House 
Book Title: Dream Keeper 
Series: Dark Dreamer Trilogy #1 
Purchase Link: Amazon 
Author: Amber R. Duell 
eBook on sale for 99 cents
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 #amberrduell #dreamkeeper #fantasyreads
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Book Synopsis: 

The Sandman is seventeen-year-old Nora's closest friend and best-kept secret. He has to be, if she doesn't want a one-way ticket back to the psychiatrist. It took her too long to learn not to mention the hooded figure in her dreams to her mother, who still watches

 Nora as if she'll crack. So when Nora's friends start mysteriously dying gruesome deaths in their sleep, she isn't altogether surprised when the police direct their suspicion at her. The Sandman is the only one she can turn to for answers. But the truth might be more than she bargained for... For the last five years, the Sandman has spent every night protecting Nora.

 When he hid the secret to the Nightmare Lord's escape inside her dreams, he never expected to fall in love with her. Neither did he think his nemesis would find her so quickly, but there's no mistaking his cruel handiwork. The Nightmare Lord is tired of playing by the rules and will do anything to release his deadly nightmares into the world, even if that means tormenting Nora until she breaks. When the Nightmare Lord kidnaps Nora's sister, Nora must enter enemy territory to save her. The Sandman is determined to help, but if Nora isn't careful, she could lose even more than her family to the darkness.

  (Please note: This story contains vivid death scenes.) 

  
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2019/07/29

CLOUDED BY ENVY by Candace Robinson

   
 

Publisher: The Parliament House
Book Title: Clouded by Envy 
Series: Laith #1 
Purchase Link: Amazon 
Author: Candace Robinson 
ONE DAY SALE 99 CENTS

   

Book Synopsis:
Brenik has always been envious of his twin sister, Bray. Growing up as fairy-like creatures, known as bats, everything came easier to Bray. While Brenik spent his time in her shadows, never feeling he was enough. After escaping their world of Laith, and living on Earth for ten years, 
Brenik attempts to strike a deal with the Stone of Desire to become human. Though true humanity is not an option, he will accept the curse that will alter him to get as close as he can.

Living in a tree trunk for the past year hasn’t been easy for Bray, more so after her brother disappears again. When a human boy and his brother, Wes, find her, a new friendship is struck. Through Wes, Bray learns there can be more to life than waiting within a tree. But worrying over where Brenik has vanished to always remains in the back of her mind.
When Bray reunites with Brenik, she realizes she must help him break the curse after she discovers the need for blood is beginning to overpower him. The curse not only damages those who get close to Brenik, but it could also destroy whatever is blooming between Bray and Wes.

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2019/07/19

To Wake the Dead (Dead Dreamer Series #2) by Sarah J. Lampkin



Publisher: The Parliament House
Book Title: To Wake the Dead
Series: Dead Dreamer #2
Author: Sarah Lampkin


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Book Synopsis
 Brenna Whit teeters the line between the living and the dead. Now that she's back for her sophomore year at Nephesburg College, she's determined to focus on the waking world. But when her own soul is trying to kill her and a new Dead Dreamer is fighting for power, Brenna is dragged back into the world of the dead.


The Gatekeepers are doing everything they can to restore the power they once held over the town of Nephesburg. With a mysterious set of twins arriving in town to help them prepare, Brenna must decide what's important: continuing to hide her secret or reveal herself and fight for what she believes is right. The decision could end up leading to a permanent death for Brenna so she must choose wisely.


Classes have begun...

The battlefield is set...

Let the fight for the Fade begin.



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WINTERDREAM by CHANTAL GADOURY

 
 
Publisher: The Parliament House
Book Title: WinterDream
Purchase Link: Amazon
Author: Chantal Gadoury

Book synopsis:  

This Christmas Eve… no creature was stirring… Except, maybe, a mouse. At long last, can true love break the Nutcracker’s curse? For Clara Stahlbaum, this Christmas means the end of her youth. A daughter of the aristocracy, Clara is expected to give up her dreams of adventures and the extraordinary for more normal days as the wife of a cruel Viscount. But when magical Uncle Drosselmeyer returns with his wondrous, dancing contraptions, and one...special gift for Clara, she is beckoned to the land of Winter Dream, where she is thrust into the greatest adventure of her wildest dreams. But will she be able to break the Nutcracker's curse? Uncle Drosselmeyer’s apprentice, Anton, is handsome as he is mysterious. But what is it about him Clara finds so alluring? Winter Dream is a phenomenal retelling of The Nutcracker from the eyes of Clara Stahlbaum with all the magic of the Holiday season. If you loved S. Jae-Jones’ Wintersong, you’ll fall in love with this stunning tale of love, war, redemption, and Christmas magic.




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 #chantalgadoury #winterdream #thenutcracker #retelling #fantasyreads #christmasreads #theparliamenthousepress #booksale #TPHTours #bookish #bookworm #booknerd #read #reading #alwaysreading #coverlove #tbr #currentlyreading 

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